How to Surrender Without Giving Up
I know they kind of sound like the same thing, but they really aren't. In fact, surrendering is freeing. It allows rest, reflection and adaptation. Most of all, even if it seems counter-intuitive, it creates space for inspiration and reveals new paths to explore.
I used to consider myself a control freak, but I control it much better now (see what I did there?). Seriously, my nature is to control what I can, and worry about what I can't. My own journey has taught me that the more I practice acceptance, and open myself to the lessons that come with all of life's trials, the happier I am.
Over the last couple of years, I've been dealing with some physical health issues. Just when I was at what I considered my physical "prime"- in the best physical condition of my life- I started passing out randomly. Long story short, Chronic and Acute Lyme Disease, and co-infections babesia and bartonella had done a number on my heart, kidneys, joints and created auto - immune reactivity. I couldn't tolerate any of the treatment protocols, and ultimately gave up on them.
First, I had a pity party. Next, I worked through my anger and frustration and started looking for the lessons and blessings. I went from working out 2-3 hours a day, every day, to 1 "supervised" hour 5 days. While this was frustrating at first, it also shed light on just how unbalanced my life was. I was sacrificing all kinds of things in order to keep to my strict workout schedule. Now that I had all of this "extra" time, all kinds of new opportunities for learning and growth presented themselves.
One of the subjects I've studied extensively is nutrition and the concept of food as medicine. My husband is type 2 diabetic, which is one of many health issues that can be effectively controlled with a ketogenic (High fat, low carb, moderate protein) way of eating. We started "keto" on 1/1/17, and while it was no surprise that his blood sugar and A1C responded very favorably, it was a big (and pleasant)surprise that many of the symptoms I experienced also dramatically improved.
But then, a couple of weeks ago, the other shoe dropped. The way of eating that had made me feel so much better was quietly but aggressively aggravating an unknown genetic liver disorder. And so, I find myself in this place again. A place of un-sureity, but not insecurity. Yes, I had another brief pity party. I was angry at my body for betraying me, and I was resistant to change what I had gotten used to. Once again, I've worked through the anger and the fear. I surrender. I'm open to what the Universe has to teach me about listening to my body and what it really needs. I've been talking about the concept of the "no diet, live it" way of life and "Intuitive Eating" for a while. And so, I'll take this little fork in the road as the blessing it is: an opportunity to learn and grow.